Tuesday, April 2, 2013

What a Tool

An audio version of this post can be found at:

   "Ouch!" The heavyset actor withdrew from under the sink, squatted on his knees and put his hand to his mouth.
   "That looks like a nasty nicked knuckle there," said a voice from off the screen.
   The actor dropped his hand and looked up. "Who said that?"
   "I did," said the voice.
   The camera pulled back to reveal a medium-height, slightly pudgy, round-faced man, with graying temples, dressed in khaki-pants and red-flannel shirt.
   A cheer went up around the table.
   "You the man, Irv!" said Eb.
   "Shush," said Cheryl, "I want to hear this."
   "... are you?" said the kneeling actor.
   "I'm the Drudgeless Tool Man."
   Another round of cheers went up.
   "He's the Toooool man," said Hank.
   "Will you be quiet?" said Becky. "We're trying to listen."
   Tool Man held out his hand, which was clutching an odd-shaped instrument. "Try the Drudgeless 200 Faucet Wrench," he said.
   The kneeling actor took the proffered implement. "Wow, this should do the job!"
   Uncle Billy snorted, "Hire a professional plumber ... that'll do the job."
   Cheryl glared at him and he sank back in his seat.
   "... and no more busted knuckles," said Tool Man.
   The man on his knees held the tool up. "Thanks, Tool Man." Then he ducked back under under the sink.
   The camera panned in on Tool Man's face. "When you need the right tool for a job ... remember Drudgeless ... the tools that make work easy."
   The scene dissolved to a graphic of the logo's for several retail stores and a narrator said, "You can find Drudgeless tools at these fine establishments ..."
   The focus at the table shifted away from the TV.
   "How cool is that?" said Hank.
   I smiled and nodded. "Ol' Irv has done well for himself."
   "What's his name?" asked Becky.
   "Irv Nesbaum," said Cheryl. "He used to live across the street from us."
   "He worked at Home Depot until he hit it big with his book about tools."
   "No kidding?" said Mary.
   "No," I said. "I guess all that time in the hardware department qualified him to be an expert on tools."
   Uncle Billy grinned, "That's a fact ... he sure is one."

No comments:

Post a Comment