Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Signing Bonus

   I set my copy of Bucky Bunny takes a Nap on the table in front of Eb. "Make it 'To Chris'," I said.
   Eb looked up. "Oh, hi, Chris. I didn't see you in line."
   I looked back at the short line of people behind me. "How about that, Eb, you've drawn a crowd."
   Eb blushed. "I couldn't have done this without you, you know."
   "How so? You wrote it."
   "Well, first of all, I never would have even tried it if I didn't know you'd published a book."
   "It's not that hard for an indie author to get a book out these days ... you have a publisher!"
   "Yeah, but I wouldn't even have tried writing without your inspiration."
   I could feel the impatience of the folks behind me. "Better put your John Hancock on that ... we can chat more over a beer later."
   "Billy said something about meeting at Cee Jay's ... I'm getting mighty thirsty."
   "Well, bask in the limelight while you can ... trust me, it doesn't last long."
   Eb scrawled his name on the title page of my book. "This is a little embarrassing, you know."
   "You know ... you're a published author and all ... "
   "I'm just a fan today."
   "It's still embarrassing."
   "I'm proud you, Eb ... it's no small thing to get a book published ... and now look at you ... a book signing at Barnes & Noble."
   Eb blushed again. "It's a little overwhelming."
   A voice from behind me said, "Hey, you about done there? I'd like to get this signed for my grandson before he goes off to college."
   I turned to see a thick-set man, in shorts, a tee-shirt and a Detroit Tiger's ball cap giving me the fish eye. "Sorry, the author's a friend of mine," I said.
   "Well, aren't you lucky," he answered. "You think you could get him to sign my book?"
   I turned back Eb. "Better go ... the crowd's getting ugly."
   Eb handed the book back to me. "See you at Cee Jay's?"
   "I'll be there."
   I stepped away from the table and watched the Tiger Hat guy hand Eb his book. "Make it out to Ronnie."
   Eb smiled and took the book. "Sure thing ...  can you spell that?"

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Wash Day Blues

   Uncle Billy followed me into the laundromat, clutching a heavy sack of change. "You really need this whole bag of quarters?"
   "Yep." I set a laundry bag of dirty clothes on floor next to the huge front-loading washer.
   Billy surveyed the seven large bags that were lined in front of the row of washers. "I suppose you do."
   I took of my cap and mopped my brow. "How about helping me load these washers?"
   "Do you really think camping in the north woods for two weeks is worth this?"
   "I do." I opened the door on the first washer and started stuffing in the contents of the bag in front of it.
   Billy opened the door of the next machine and started putting in laundry. "Well, I think you're nuts."
   "You wouldn't be alone, Uncle ... but Cheryl and I love it ... there is nothing like sleeping in the woods."
   "No ... I'm sure there isn't ... but, I'll take my Posturepedic, thank you very much."
   "Speaking of travel, I heard you went to that new casino in Toledo with Alma Beeler."
   Uncle Billy stopped loading and stood to look at me. "Who told you that?"
   "Clara mentioned it."
   "When did you talk to her?"
   "She called me up north to ask if we had time to stop by Saginaw on our way home ..."
   "Oh ... something to do with that four-flusher Alex What's-his-Putz?"
   I closed the door to the washer and stood up. "Heath ... his name is Alex Heath."
   "Whatever ... he's still a putz."
   "Anyway, Clara was doing another book signing and thought it might be good for me to show up and maybe sell a few of my books." I walked past Billy to the next washer and starting loading it with laundry.
   "So Clara told you I went out with Alma, eh? How'd she know that?"
   "I didn't ask her that ... I just asked her if she'd seen you while we were gone and ..."
   "What'd she say?"
   "I don't know ...  something like, 'William is fine, in fact I believe he went to Toledo with Mrs. Beeler this weekend'."
   Billy shook his head. "Man, that woman doesn't miss anything." Then he scowled. "Why should she be so interested in my business?"
   I forced the crammed washer shut and stood again to look at Billy. "She cares about you, Uncle ... that's why she's interested."
   "Well, if that's true, then why did she go to Saginaw to see Alex What's-his-Putz?"
   "What do you expect her to do ... sit around and wait for you to call? Besides, she had business in Saginaw."
   "Like that's the only book store in Michigan."
   I sighed. "Uncle, it's an opportunity for her."
   "Right ... an opportunity to cash in on a relationship with What's-his-Putz ... so, did you?"
   "Did I what?"
   "Stop in Saginaw."
   "No, we didn't have time ... besides I don't have any more books."
   Billy's face got serious. "Hey, is this a ploy to borrow money?"


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Dynamo Hum

What a ride! I met this cute little desktop in Russia ... let me tell you, she was hard-wired! But, ooooooo is my processor throbbing ... I need a shot of ozone in the ol' USB.
Anyway, I sure hope the meat-sack doesn't fine out that I sold his ID for that PayPal credit when he gets back next week ... hey, I had to have a little juice for the party.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

It's Party Time

The ol' meat sack is on another so-called hiatus ... which means I'll be running the show around for a couple of weeks. No new posts or comments while Chris is gone, but I'll cruising the Internet, looking for action ... anyone know where I can find a wild digital party ... you know, the kind with lots of loose electrons?