Curb Service

     

   

     Uncle Billy jumped in the car. "Thanks, Nephew."

    I put the car in gear. "No problem, Uncle, I actually look forward to our time together running you to Manny's."

    "Well, you might not have to do it much longer."

    I looked over at him. "Oh?"

    He smiled. "When I cash in, I'll have my own Limo and a chauffeur."

    "Really?"

    "You bet ... things are cooking."

    I nodded. "That's great, Uncle."

    "You don't believe it?"

    I glanced over at him. "Why wouldn't I?"

    "I know you, Chris. I can tell when you're just humoring me."

     My face reddened slightly. "No, I'm really excited for you, Uncle Billy."

    Billy shrugged. "Whatever. I'm not really concerned about what you think."

    "Uncle, I'm always on your team ... I want nothing but the best for you."

    Billy just nodded and I took the hint, he was done talking about his investments. 

    We drove in silence the rest of the way to Manny's, until I pulled into the parking lot and Billy said, "Hey, there's an empty spot." He was pointing at a parking space in the next row.

    I pulled around and slipped into the parking space. "Do you want me to come in with you?"

    Billy opened the door. "No, I think I can navigate Manny's all by my self."

    "Just thought you might need some help carrying stuff."

    "A bottle of scotch and a lottery ticket?"

Barbarian at the Gate

   

 "Turn in here," said Billy.

    I looked at the sign for Lochmoor Acres, an exclusive gated community. "Here?"

    "Yes."

    "Do you know somebody who lives here?"

    "No ... just drive to the office."

    I turned into the driveway, but a gate at the guard house stopped me from going further. A uniformed man looked over at us and slid open a window. I buzzed down the car window.

    "Can I help you?" he said.

    I looked over at Billy. He leaned forward and said, "I want to talk to someone in the office."

    "Do you have an appointment?"

    "No, I just want to get some information."

    He looked at a computer screen, then leaned out the window. "May I see your license?"

    Billy pointed at me. "I don't drive ... you'll have to use his."

    I sighed and reached for my wallet, pulled out my license and handed to the man.

    He said, "Thank you," then retreated back into the guard house, typed something into the computer and handed back my license. "Take the first right past the big tree, the office will be on your left."

    "Thank you."

    He waved, the gate lifted and I pulled through, following directions to the office. I pulled into a parking space.

    "I'll only be a few minutes," said Billy. "I'm just getting some information."

    I nodded and watched him jump out of the car.

    A few minutes later he returned with a brochure and smile on his face. 

    "Well?"    

    "They have plenty of units for sale."

    "How much?"

    His smile faded. "They start at seven hundred and fifty."

    "Seven fifty?"

    Billy nodded. "Yeah."

    "That's out of my reach."

    Billy nodded again. "Mine too ... for the moment. We'll see next month."

    I started the car and pulled out of the parking space. "Could be that good, eh?"

    Billy smiled. "I might buy one for you and Cheryl, too."

    

A Wee Dram

 

 

   Spike Jones' "Cocktails for Two" was audible a full fifty feet from Uncle Billy's door. The volume increased steadily until it crescendoed upon opening the door. Billy sat in his recliner, reading a newspaper and completely oblivious of my entrance. 

    "Uncle," I said.

    No response.

    "Uncle," I yelled.

    He lowered the newspaper and peered at me. "Well, look who the cat dragged in," he shouted.

    I indicated my trouble hearing, so he leaned over and turned down the volume on his sound system. "Well?"

    "Well what?" 

    "What are doing here?"

    "I just stopped by to see how you're doing."

    "How am I doing? You're checking up on me?"

     "No ... I just haven't seen you since you got back from Vegas ...  I wondered what's going on."

    "I'm doing just fine, nephew."

     I frowned at the pile of dirty dishes in the sink. "Must be busy."

     Billy caught my disapproving glance at his housekeeping. "Yeah, as a matter of fact."

    "You haven't been to Manny's in while."

    "I've got what I need ... besides, if I need a ride these days, I call Uber."

    "Why pay for a ride when I can take you for free?"

    "Because the Uber driver doesn't criticize my purchases."

    I shook my head. "Uncle, I don't judge you ... you can buy whatever you want."

    "Who criticized by buying a bottle of Glen Livet." 

    "You can buy all the alcohol you want ... I just thought pay fifty dollars for a bottle of scotch was a bit exorbitant."

    "I can afford it ... stock market has been good to me lately."

    "I was just saying ..."

    "Okay, you did."

    I shrugged. "Well, we haven't chatted in while, Uncle ... thought we might catch up."

    Billy looked at his watch. "I've actually got an appointment this afternoon."

    "Do you need a ride?"

    "No, Mike is stopping by here."

    "Burczyk?"

    "As a matter of fact."

    "You're still doing business with him?"

    "I need some place to put all this income ... besides scotch."